Scales.

You know, the thing I hate the most is scales. You never know what to expect of them, you can look at the number they show you with delight or terrible fear, and nothing will ever change. I hate that feeling I get every morning, when I crawl to my bathroom just to see how much I've lost, and I hate that feeling of worthlessness if they don't show me the number I have expected - when you have anorexia, that magical number on the scales becomes your sweetest dream and yet your greatest nightmare.

This is why I hate scales. They fucking measure if you are of any worth or not. 

I beg you not to get me wrong. Seriously, I am not Pro Ana. I know people who have died of this. I know how hard this endless losing battle is - the battle with yourself, with what you are and what you are scared of becoming. I would never wish this life upon anyone. But what can I write about if I have anorexia? Where else am I supposed to let it all out? I feel like I don't trust anyone, and I can't turn to anyone for help. Only my girls on PT understand what it's all like.


Why can't I just be beautiful? I hate what I am and I hate how I look. I wanna escape from this, I wanna hide, but how are you supposed to escape from yourself? and yeah suicide is not the option.........